Beyond the Labels: The Real Work of Inclusive Leadership

So firstly, the, um, topic of DEI is not as in vogue at the moment as it, uh, as it used to be, but still, diversity is still a real thing in the world, and equity is still an important imperative and not always present. And inclusive leadership remains one of the most fundamental leadership capacities that leaders need to have. So what's really changed? Well, I guess if a company was engaging in DEI initiatives, uh, up until the, the end of last year, if they were doing so because they believed in the value of inclusiveness, then nothing's changed. If they were doing it because they believed it was a good strategy to improve performance, to build diverse teams of people, uh, and a strategy to attract and retain talent, then I guess nothing has changed either. It's only changed for those organizations that were pursuing DEI as a compliance issue, as something that had to be done. Uh, those would be organizations that might have now dropped any such initiatives and reduced the budgets that were needed for that. And if we look and see, so what actually has happened, what we find is, is, is interesting in, in the information that we've just been able to pull out, um, is that only % of companies that were surveyed by resume.org actually, of the people who had DEI programs last year say they've eliminated them, % are reducing their DEI budget, and % say their DEI budget will remain the same. % in fact talk about increasing funding. So that gives us a sense that there are a lot of organizations that have been doing this not merely as a strategy of convenience and certainly not as a compulsion of compliance, but they've been doing it because they believe it's the right thing to do and will continue to do it. Uh, they'll continue to do it possibly with slightly different names. So we found, for example, uh, that % of the companies that were surveyed by Paradigm, uh, have stopped using representation goals as a measure. And % of the companies survey have changed the language they use for these programs. So you've got a, a large number of, of organizations, I'm sure many of who, who, which of which are represented here among the people who are on this meeting with us, a large number of organizations who merely are, are changing the name and perhaps changing the, the focus and the method of, of measuring and are continuing to invest effort in, uh, diversity in inclusiveness. Uh, we do need to accept though that a great deal of what was being done in the DEI field over the last decade or so was not producing the return on investment that was expected. It wasn't producing the results that were expected, and in fact, in many cases, were producing an opposite result where people became more resentful, more polarized, where racism became more of an issue sometimes, uh, expressed as such, such and sometimes submerged under the surface. Uh, but it wasn't really solving any great problems in many, many cases. So what we're going to do is take a slightly different look at, at the whole topic of inclusiveness, looking at it through different lenses so that now that we do have an opportunity to think a little differently about it, it's not just about changing labels. Let's think differently about it. Let's do something that works. Let's do something that gets results. And, and what I can share with you is what we've been doing in organizations across the country and and throughout the world now for years because, uh, inclusive leadership is not something that we started thinking about years ago or even years ago. Uh, this was something that to to, to me, has always been absolutely fundamental to leadership to have a leadership development program that doesn't deal with how to create inclusiveness, how to elicit diverse views from divergent people. Uh, that's not a complete leadership program. So we've always been, uh, insistent on this at being an important part of leadership and continue to do so. And so we are able to share with you some of what we've discovered and what we found in the process. To start off with, I'm going to ask us just to, to check in with the final question. If you can put the answers in the chat, that would be great. Just what are some of the biggest barriers to your leaders in your organizations to their thinking in inclusive ways and building inclusive teams? So how interesting remote is, is one of the problems when we were all together in the office of was sunny to be done. Now it's very difficult because, uh, remoteness makes inclusive inclusiveness newly challenging, challenging and completely different ways. Um, the idea of of being self-reflective. Um, what are my biases? What are my preferences? Do they exist? Um, can I acknowledge that they exist and deal with 'em ego? Great. Uh, example of of, of one of them just ego focused on self fear, fear of the other, fear of somebody who's different. Fear of people are different. Um, unconscious biases, um, unconscious bias. I'm, I'm a little bit resistant to the word of unconscious bias because if you tell me I have an unconscious bias, my question then becomes, so what am I supposed to do about something that's unconscious? Um, and, and we can talk about that. I'm not sure that we'll get to that particular topic in this conversation, but it's certainly something that we do deal with a great deal that, that the concept of, of biases and preferences, which are natural, we all have them. Uh, it's a matter of how we manage them. Um, not knowing where to start, making assumptions, acting on those assumptions, um, lack of trust. Um, we don't always understand what we mean by inclusivity. And so we carry on doing things the way we always didn't. We wonder why people don't feel included, um, not managing diverse points of view. That's a fascinating one because diversity, as some of you would've heard from me before, possibly is as far as we are concerned, diversity is not about how different people look, but about how different people see. And to be able to elicit the difference in viewpoints, the difference in perspectives from people. You could have two people who look the same, but they see very differently. You could have two people who look very sim who look very different, but they see the same. They've been to the same schools, they come from the same culture. They just look, they just look different, but they're not really different. So to understand the different people see the world through different lenses and to be able to understand, to elicit, to be curious, what are you seeing? I'm seeing A, B, and C. What are you actually seeing here? And why are we seeing something different when we are looking at the same situation? Um, easier to maintain the status quo. Um, board members who don't think it's relevant. Uh, just board members who are out of, out of trust, who are out of touch, trust, bias, assumptions, back unconscious bias again, and, and an issue that's, that comes up. Um, these are all valid and important at low self confidence, low sense of self-esteem. Um, the habit of using go to people and, and you land up using, um, people who don't necessarily come with a fresh viewpoint, um, trying to understand and promote inclusivity, but fear of misappropriation. So many interesting thoughts that you've come up. Um, it, it's management is sometimes not reflective of the population being served. Is that serious? If management really understood the population, empathized with the population, got close to the population, do they need to actually be reflective of the population? Possibly, yes. In some cases, maybe not necessary if they're fully empathetic and connected. Um, change management generally is, is hard. Structural racism. Um, yeah, they're just things in the system that sometimes make racism of one form or another. And natural go to, uh, lack of curiosity, lack of availability. Um, people in charge of decisions, which programs should be implemented and how inclusive teams should be built are themselves not members of diverse groups. Uh, people giving advice in areas in which they have no experience, no, no personal experience. These are all great examples of some of the barriers, uh, that exist as we move. So let's start looking at things differently. We'll park all of these issues that you've raised and revisit them at the end, but let's, um, briefly look at some new ways, some new lenses through which to look at inclusivity, uh, at building inclusive teams, at eliciting views from people who are different, uh, building bridges across cultural divides and, and how best to do that. I I want to talk to you here about a supporting philosophy, a a kind of a a, a context, a framework, uh, in which to discuss and to think about the issues of inclusivity. And what we want to look at are three interrelated terms. Often confused, often assume to mean the same thing more or less. And what I would like to do with you is pull them apart and understand them separately and how they interrelate with each other. Three terms that I'm thinking about here are the terms, courtesy, respect, and dignity. And again, people use them interchangeably, but I will argue that they're not interchangeable at all. They are very, very different concepts with different meanings, different applications and different outcomes. But they do have a relationship with one another. They do connect with one another. And let's have a look at how that actually happens. So let's look at courtesy. Firstly, courtesy is important. I wouldn't like you to think for one moment that I'm dismissing the importance of courtesy, not at all. It's a socially prescribed behavior. It's a, it's a deal we make with one another that certain things are okay and other things are not okay. It's a minimal requirement of, of courteous interaction, of professional interaction among people. At least be courteous. Whatever you're thinking, whatever you're feeling, at least act courteously. And it's a useful process. 'cause it's part of what it means to be professional. The difficulty is when courtesy is separated and alienated from dignity and from respect, it is experienced by the other as inauthentic. We can't assume that just because we are not being discourteous, just because we are being courteous, that the other person exper experiences that as an act of respect, as an act of acceptance, as an act of inclu, inclusivity, courtesy can just be a very formal structure that doesn't come with emotion, that doesn't come with any form of passion, that doesn't come with soul. And when courtesy doesn't come with soul, it isn't experienced as having soul. It isn't even experienced as having humanity. So courtesy, very important, yes, if its roots penetrate to the next level, which is respect. And while courtesy is to some degree the way people feel about us, if I'm courteous to you, then hopefully you'll feel okay about me. You're going to feel not dismissed by me, but respect is how I make you feel about yourself. Do I make you feel valued? It's not about me, it's about you. Courtesy is about me. I want to have a relationship with you, which is frictionless. So we treat each other according to the rules of courtesy. That's fine. But that doesn't mean that I'm actually projecting to you an energy that makes you feel respected and valued. Respect is a willingness to be un understanding and open to the other person's feelings and to their perspectives as different as they might be to mine. That is respect. If I'm not open to learning about your perspectives, to hearing about them, to try and try to understand them, that I might be courteous to you. I might say, please and thank you, and excuse me, I might do all the right things, but that doesn't mean that I'm creating a feeling and experience of res of respect. And when people don't feel our respect, feel it, they don't experience the energy coming from us of respect, they feel unvalued, they feel unheard. And so they can feel disrespected by things we are not even aware of. And that's where cultural differences come in. I could be saying something which maybe in my circles or for me, particularly individually, I don't feel disrespected. If somebody were to say that to me, if somebody perhaps would walk past me without greeting me, maybe I don't feel disrespected. I accept they didn't notice me, they were busy or they don't care about me, whatever. But somebody else might feel disrespected for that. So we need to understand that respect is very individual, very, it's cultural and it's individual and, and things we are completely unaware of could cause a person to feel disrespect. So if courtesy is about how you feel about me, and respect is how I make you feel about yourself, then dignity is how I feel about myself. It's who I am authentically. It's my identity, it's my value system. And unlike respect, dignity cannot be given and dignity cannot be taken. You can't give me dignity. I either have it or I don't. It's on, on me to build and to develop, to nurture and nourish my own sense of dignity. And once I've done that, nobody can take that away from me. I can allow myself to lose my dignity, but that's not something I can be forced to do. That's something that Nelson Mandela taught me, uh, in explaining to me his feeling on the very first night that he was imprisoned on Robben Island, uh, in South Africa. And he sat down devastated, uh, to try and make an audit of what he has left as, as a prisoner virtually for the rest of his life as far as he was concerned at that time, what was not taken away from him. And he went through everything, his family, his possessions, his profession, his career, his his reputation, everything had been taken away. And he searched and searched to find something. One thing, is there anything I can hold onto? And he came to the conclusion, my own dignity. Nobody can take that away from me because dignity is not about how other people treat me. Dignity is about how I treat other people. Everyone in all situations, irrespective of how they're treating me, irrespective of, of whether my defensiveness and anger and irritation is being triggered by them, my ability to self master, my ability to remain who I am at my best in all situations, that's up to me. Nobody can take that away from me. And that is dignity. And so what we need is courtesy that emerges from respect. The reason I'm being courteous to you is because I really respect you. And the reason I can respect you, even though you're so different from me, is because I'm secure within myself. I'm not afraid. Some of you said one of the barriers was fear. I'm not afraid of difference. My, I'm not threatened by difference because I feel completely rooted and grounded in my own identity, in my own values, which constitute my dignity. So coming from an inner place of dignity, I can treat you with respect or I can feel and project respect to you and interact with you in a way that is in fact courteous. Now, the two operating systems, some of you might have heard me speak about that before. Um, the two operating systems is something that I learned out in safari in, in Africa, uh, where I, we were on a walking safari and there were ma many animals to see. We were quite getting quite bored and irritated. We expected to encounter all sorts of danger. There was nothing except a, an odd giraffe or zebra. Um, and, and so the guide started explaining to us a lot about the, the plant life and the, the trees around about us. And we discovered that acacia trees are not always thorny. Some acacia trees have thorns and some don't. And I asked the guide, why is that? What causes that? And he said, well, it simply is the acacia tree's response to threats. So if a tree is damaged, somebody chops off a branch or there's a lightning strike or an animal rubs against it, it'll develop thorn to keep the threat away. And I said, that's fascinating. He said, but don't you know, every organism has that over avocado trees when they're threatened. If you're knocking nails into an over avocado tree or you chop a branch off an over avocado tree, it doesn't develop thorns, but it doesn't develop more over avocado. So all organisms respond to threat because they have a, a craving for security. The difference is that the acacia tree responds with thorns to keep the danger away. And their avocado tree responds with productivity, with contribution, with output to make itself even more valuable, to make itself even more secure. Not because it has fenced itself in, but because it's expanded itself out beyond and making itself even more value valuable than it was before. And I thought that was fascinating and realized that an over avocado tree cannot choose whether to develop thorns or fruit. And acacia tree cannot choose whether to develop thorns or to become more productive. But we are human beings. We are not trees, and we are not animals. And we can choose our response. We can acknowledge a threat, we can acknowledge a fear and a feeling of insecurity, and we then have a moment to decide, do I want to respond defensively as the, as the acacia tree does? Or am I up to responding heroically is what I call it, doing something supernatural, doing something which goes against the instinct. The instinctive thing to do when you feel threatened is to become defensive. It's supernatural to become heroic. And instead of being defensive and protecting our own perspectives, judging others, shutting down, cri, criticizing, and so on, instead of doing that, am I up to questioning my own assumptions? Am I up to being curious about the assumptions of others? Am I up to growing my perspective rather than fencing it in and narrowing it? That's a choice we can make. Nobody can take that away from me. I can choose that's dependent on my dignity. If I am threatened and I choose a heroic response, I am acting in dignity. If I choose a defensive response, and I'm not talking yet about a physical threat where my life is in danger, that's a time where you want to be defensive, where you need to be defensive. I'm talking about an ideological threat or an emotional threat, or a social threat. Do I need to respond the way an animal might and get all defensive, or can I choose the human response? Can I choose the heroic response? So if we go back to our dignity, respect, and curiosity, and look at it in the framework of the, of the two operating systems, then dignity is rooted in our heroic. It is our identity, it's our values. And it requires self-mastery. It requires that even when I'm being triggered, I don't react. I choose how to respond. That's what dignity is. When a person has such self-mastery, of course, dignity, dignity is not about being dignified when you are the VIP guest at some function. Dignity is not about the being dignified. Uh, when you're out on a, on a lovely date with your husband or your wife or your partner, that's not what dignity is. Dignity is being dignified. When you're being attacked. Dignity is being dignified. When you're being threatened, that's the time to be a master of our own reactivity. And this is fundamental to all the leadership development and coaching that we do. We don't do any leadership development and coaching that doesn't include training and development in how to master reactivity, in how to master self so that one can call on one's own dignity no matter what is happening around us. And at the moment, when the world is so turmoil, in such turmoil and so full of polarized views and of conflict, it's more important than ever for us as individuals to know how to find our dignity and to stay in our dignity if we choose to become defensive rather than to, um, uh, if, if we choose to become defensive, it's, it's completely different. Now what about respect and respect? That's when it's authentic. When it's built on dignity, if I respect, if I'm just showing you respect, but in inside of me, I'm scared of you, inside of me. I resent you inside of me. I'm jealous of you inside of me. I feel insecure around you. That respect is not going to be experienced by the other as in any way dignified. It requires for authenticity. It needs to be rooted in dignity. I respect you because I respect myself. That's the famous quote in the Bible. The fundamental of, uh, anything that is, uh, uh, is, is ethical, is love your neighbor as yourself. But if you don't love yourself, if you don't have self dignity, you can't really love your neighbor. You can't really show respect to your n neighbor. Because if you have dignity, you can acknowledge the dignity in others, and you can allow the other to feel valued and seen just as you are valued and seen. And then you can expand res perspectives in a way that in entails mutual respect. And we'll describe that in just a moment. If I come at respect from a defensive perspective, it'll feel conditional and transaction. And that isn't really what we are talking about in human connection. In human connection. Respect is something that should be felt in the heart, human in human connection. Defense should uplift me. Respect should make me feel good about myself, uh, because it's so powerful. And for that, it has to be authentic. And then courtesy. It's natural and genuine when it comes from a place of dignity and respect, when it reflects deeper understanding and appreciation, and it can feel superficial driven by obligation rather than by authentic care. If courtesy has become alienated from respect and from dignity. So we need to appreciate that when we become defensive, no matter what it is that triggers us into defensiveness. Defensiveness is not usually something we choose. We don't wake up in the morning and say, Hmm, today is a good day to be defensive all day. It's not something we feel, we don't feel comfortable in a defensive situation. We generally respon respond defensively when something has happened, when something has caused us to feel threatened in some way or another. But if even in the moment we are feeling threatened, we can recognize it. We can notice what we're feeling and choose a response, which is an alignment with our own values, with our own identity, so that we can project dignity onto the situation. And you know what happens when you act with dignity? Everybody else falls in line and you get a much more dignified conversation going on around you. It's very hard to be destructive around an individual or around people who are acting with great dignity. And this is such an important finding and discovery and, and articulation of this principle by Sharma, that two leaders in the same circumstances doing exactly the same thing, can bring about completely different outcomes depending on the inner place from which each operates. And once again, our leadership development and our coaching focuses on that inner place because that's where the difference is made. That's where the impact of influence is. That's where the capacity to inspire and uplift people comes from. And what would be the value of developing leadership if we are not teaching people and enabling them to access their inner place and to build it, to nurture, to nourish it, to reinforce it, to grow it so that they can draw on that inner place in their capacity as a, as a leader. So dignity means staying with your heroic operating system, no matter what, it's mastery of your defensive operating system. It means living your values in accordance with your leadership fingerprint. Now, leadership fingerprint is something we are not gonna be talking a lot about over here. Leadership fingerprint is a tool that we use to enable you to map out your identity, to actually describe to yourself what the essence at the very core is of who you are and how you're different from anybody else. So that you can draw on that you can, you can drill into that and draw energy and strength from your identity. And your identity is in the way your, you operate with your values. And understanding that really well is what leadership fingerprint is. Um, and we'll talk about it. It's, uh, it, it's something we can, uh, absolutely talk about. If anybody wants to contact us afterwards as to how to access the, the tool to build your leadership fingerprint and use it as the way to root your dignity in your identity as to make sure that you always, no matter what is happening around you, what turbulence is happening around you, what insults are throwing you thrown at you, what exclusion, exclusionary activities are happening around you. Your dignity remains intact because you know your leadership fingerprint and you know who you are at an identity level. Um, and to being the person I know I couldn't and should be. It's treating everyone with respect no matter who. And it's behaving courteously, always a courtesy that comes not from just a, a playbook, from a, a blueprint of what courtesy is or how I was raised, but courtesy that comes from a genuine respect for the other that again, is rooted in my own self self dignity. So let's look at expanding perspectives. How do we do that? But before I do that, um, what I would like to do is conduct a quick poll that we can all have a look at. It'll just be interesting to see where, where people are, um, how confident are you that you could clearly name the top three values that drive your leadership decisions. And just from a very confident to, I haven't really thought about this, please give us your responses and we'll see roughly. And of course, no, no names are attached to this. It's just an anonymous poll that gives us a sense of how many people, and the people on this call are particularly self-aware. We are not talking about ordinary people, we are talking about people who are truly interested in this, in this topic. Um, so it would be interesting to know, um, how you feel about these values. And again, as I explained the, the, the tool of the leadership fingerprint is something that, um, uh, we, we can help you with. And, uh, it's, it's the most exciting and developmental process, uh, to actually explore who you are at a deep identity level. Um, so we have a, a number of people say I could name them easily, um, more people who, so, so some who are not confident, uh, and and someone who's honest enough to say, I haven't really thought about it. Uh, and vulnerable, vulnerable enough to say, to say that. And hopefully this will begin, uh, an opportunity for you to, to explore that and to take that further. Thank you for your responses. So expanding perspectives, let's have a look at this. If you consider these two circles as two discs on a table. So we have a big table and we cut out these two discs, a blue one and a gray one. And I were to say to you, how many ways are there to bring these discs to overlap with one another? And you might think for a moment, and you might say, well, you could bring the gray one closer to the blue one, where you could bring the blue one closer to the gray one. Or I guess you could bring them both closer to, to one another and to meet somewhere, uh, in the middle. Uh, the difficulty with all of these examples are that in all of these, we are shifting the person assume for a moment that these discs are a person, are people, and these are their values. And what I'm asking of you, I'm saying we are at different places. We are far from one another. So in order to to bridge that distance, I need you to change some of your values. I need you to think about things differently. I need you to think about things a little bit more the way I do. And I will do the same. I'll come towards you as well. But the fact is I'm asking in this case, both of these individuals to shift their core values. And that's something nobody wants to be told to do. It's not a question of judging those values. Well, there is a sense of judging if I'm telling you, I want you to shift your values. What I'm saying is your values aren't in a very good place. They need changing. Nobody wants to be told their values need to be. 'cause most people's values are good. Most people's values, most people were brought up by good parents. And, and with good thoughts and with good ideas and with good values. There's another way to go about this. Is there a way where we can achieve overlap without shifting the core of our belief systems? Is there a way we can achieve overlap? We can come together and become closer, not by one or both of us changing our beliefs, but rather expanding our beliefs. And what happens when each of us expands our values, expands our beliefs? Is it then possible that you and I find places of overlap and the core of our values and the core of our belief system has not actually altered, it hasn't actually changed at all. And what happened in a lot of the DEI training that took place over the last and more years is that the trainers would say to the participants, your values need to change What you believe isn't correct. What you believe is not ethical. You need to believe different things. You're not a good person. You are racist, you are implicitly biased, you're bad. That's how it felt like to many of the people who were participants of it. And instead, our approach, as I said, for over years and our approach to, uh, to, to inclusiveness started when the system in South Africa, where we come from, uh, started being dismantled and started being replaced by a fair and democratic system. And, and that required people not to change their values. 'cause people can't change their values. They can't do it authentically. I can tell you, I've changed my values because that's what you want me to do. It's back to that compliance issue. You are compelling me to change my values and I'll do that, but that's not what we want. So if we can't change our values, how am I ever going to find overlap with somebody whose beliefs are very different from mine? We can learn how to expand those beliefs. We can learn how to expand those beliefs to the point where I'm able to find a place where you and I who have very different values at our core are able to find overlapping values closer to the outer rings of our value systems. And that's what we like to teach in our inclusive leadership programs. And if you think for a moment, what kind of behaviors would you expect to see when people are in a fixed defensive mindset unable to expand? What about when they're in an expansive, heroic mindset? What would you expect to see? And these are some of them. And when you're in that defensive set of process, I don't wanna move my values, don't ask me to change anything. I believe I've been brought up with these good belief systems and I believe x, y, z no matter what that is. And even if you find that offensive, that's your problem. These are my beliefs. Don't ask me to change them. Such people resist change. They judge other people's resistance. They defend the status quo. You know, people like this all the time. You in in your work, you come across this every day, their accusations of, of isms and a victim mentality. And the focus is always on how it impacts me, not. So when we are looking at a, at an individual who shows the capacity to be heroic and presents us calm, confident, creative, connected, they're curious about the other's position, your position is very different from mine. Where does it come from? Why do you think the way you do? Where are your beliefs from? They're interesting to me. I want to expand perspective by understanding your perspective. I don't have to adapt it and adopt your beliefs. I just need to understand them because I'm quite sure that if I truly understand where you are coming from, if I truly understand the lenses through which you're seeing the world, I'm pretty sure we'll find some common areas. And I want to listen. I want to listen actively. I want to li listen with humility. I want to listen generously. And I want to be vulnerable as I listen. And I want to seek win-win situations. I want to be compassionate about your perspective. I want to feel what it would be like to be you if one comes from your background, if one comes from your situation. And to focus on possibilities. What are the possibilities for us? Not for me and not for you. Not about what I expect of you. It's not what I expect of myself. What could I expect of us if we have these conversations? What could I expect of us? What could I envision for us? If we could expand our perspectives and find these common areas together, what might that look like? And so if we look at expanding perspectives together with the dignity, courtesy, and respect model, then dignity is, I feel so secure in my own identity and values that I'm open, open to, and very curious about the identities and values and beliefs of other people. Because they don't threaten me. I'm not gonna change who I am because I've had a conversation with you. I'm not going to change my faith because you have a different faith. But I would like to learn about yours. It doesn't threaten me to learn about yours. It just expands me. And courtesy, I don't expect you to change your values either. That would be discourteous. And that was part of the difficulty with some of the DEI programs. They expected people to change their values. And that is not courteous, and it certainly isn't respectful because respect means we can both expand our perspectives. We can learn from each other and about each other in a way that it becomes completely natural and orga and organic for us to find these areas of overlap. And I think the most important piece of of all of this is to realize you can't change other people. Uh, if you look at, at a range of difficulties, you know, you think of climbing Everest might be the most difficult thing in your spectrum. And, and having a cup of coffee might be the easiest thing in your spectrum, changing other people ranked somewhere there with climbing Everest. It's really a struggle. It's really hard and it is seldom successful. But magic happens when you change yourself. Magic happens when you are able to master your own reactivity. Magic happens when you can be dignified, even when everything around you is disrespectful, exclusionary and undignified. When you can stay dignified because you are secure in your value drivers, you're secure in your identity, you know what your leadership fingerprint looks like, and you know how to use the draw on it and operate with it, magic happens. And other people start aligning to you and you start finding other people are changing. They're changing exactly because you didn't try to change them. They're changing because they're learning from you and responding to you. They're not being told by you what to believe and what to think. And that's what's really important when we as we move forward in these difficult times, deal with inclusive leadership. How in inclusive leadership do we do it in a way that is built on dignity, generates respect, and translates into courtesy that is authentic and that is real. Um, I'm going to stop here and, and, uh, take questions. I hope you've got some tough ones for me, some interesting questions that we can, uh, talk about and, uh, look forward to having a bit of conversation with you before we close out. All right, I am coming back up here with you, David. Thank you so much. Uh, everyone can we give 'em some appreciation? I seen in the chat how much love and and, and energy that people are getting from this experience. So yeah, I appreciate the emojis and the thank yous. Uh, well deserved David and would love to maybe talk through a few of these things a little bit and unpack it further with you through some of the questions that have came up. Um, and I gotta certainly have some of my own as well. So if for some of you that would like us to kind of build off of some of these concepts and topics, now's your chance to add some of these questions in the chat or in the q and a function that's in there. So I'm gonna open that up. I would love to ask this one right off the bat. It's a pretty heavy question. I think this is a pretty common thought that, uh, uh, a lot of people are, are having, especially if they're experiencing some of these inequities, whether that's in society or within the workplace. And Michael asked this. So Michael, I appreciate you bringing this question up. How is your framework responsive to deep inequities in society that are in our experience, stories and nervous systems? Uh, and then if goes on to ask, you know, when I'm, when I was, when I as a black man in an interaction with a white police officer, there's tremendous societal factors at play beyond our interpersonal experience of dignity, respect, and courtesy. Even if there is a not an act of threat of violence, there is that kind of psychosocial reality at play. So can you maybe unpack what Michael's asking here and provide your perspective, Michael? The, that situation is incredibly hard and painful and has roots that go back in history, um, that, that go beyond the individual interaction that one might be having with another individual, whether he or she is a police officer or a regular me, me member of the public. It's harder when the person is in a position of authority. Um, sometimes there are explicit expressions of disrespect, uh, and racism and inequity. Sometimes one isn't sure, one just wonders and, and one thinks that it, that it possibly is. So, um, and to talk to you firstly very personally and then, um, more professionally. Um, as you know, uh, I'm a Jewish person, uh, and as such, particularly in the current time, but for all of history, uh, we know what antisemitism is. We know what it feels like to be excluded. Uh, in up until the 1950s or sixties Jewish people were not allowed to go to medical school in Los Angeles. Um, it it, it, this is a recent thing. This isn't just a long, long time ago. Um, clubs and, and, uh, professions were close to Jewish people as it has been with, with black people in the United States and elsewhere in the world. And that feeling of, of of exclusion and racism is, is really difficult. And what it needs us to do is really to find that place of pride and knowledge in who I am as a person. And that, that's why that leadership fingerprint is so important. It's not only, uh, how you and I find pride in our history, uh, and in our background, but finding the pride in who we are as human beings, who we are in as individuals, to a point where, where nobody can shake that. And that's why that meeting that I had with Nelson Mandela was so life-changing for me. 'cause I was talking to a person who had been the ultimate victim of racism, uh, in, in the most human way, and his ability to remain unbelievably dignified even in those situations. And he said to me, I realize that dignity means treating others well, not only my friends or colleagues or people like me. It means even treating the people who are torturing me. Well, because yes, I don't want to do that, but I lose my dignity if I don't. And it doesn't mean I'm accepting their behavior. And it doesn't mean I'm not judging their behavior. It just means I'm not willing to allow them to deprive me of the one thing I don't have to give away. And that's who I am and my dignity. And so the work for, for people, um, who, who feel this, who experience this, and there's so many of us who for one reason or another, from all sorts of different backgrounds and cultures, so many of us who have occasions when we feel this, that work to be able to drill into the depths of who we are, to the point that when we look at who we are, we are just overcome with a sense of pride. This is who I am. Wow, this is something exceptional. Nobody can take that away from me so that we can survive the indignities, we can survive the disrespects. And again, it doesn't mean we're accepting it, it doesn't mean we're agreeing it with it. It certainly doesn't mean we're condoning it. All it means is while not condoning it, I will never allow it to rob me of the essence of who I am as a human being. So that that greatness where that is within me can be projected outwards and hopefully even the people that we we're disappointed in, even the people who we feel are judgmental and racist might respond to our greatness in ways where they have to challenge themselves and think a little bit differently about some of their assumptions. I dunno if that helps or, or answers, uh, this very painful question in, in any way. Thank you for sharing that, Dave. That was a powerful story and I think it also helps answer some of the other questions in, in the q and a that came up that I'd love to maybe continue this, this dialogue of, of role modeling the way forward and not allowing other people's behaviors to pull and influence you below. Uh, maybe below to to, I remember on the left side on that one slide of, of some of the, the ego, you know, driven behaviors and what a more open respect and dignity driven behaviors looks like. And, and Connie and Brandon, you know, ask two similar questions in the q and a of, you know, on one end, if, if one has dignity about them and they're within a toxic workplace with others that are not changing, what is the next course of action here? And that's like part one of this question. And I feel like you answered some of that with, well, one, continuing to role model the way and staying in like disciplined and with integrity with those values. So I'd be curious of like, yeah, maybe what else is kind of the next course of action? If we are, you know, these, our audience is most likely people, officer, HR leaders who are really trying to drive these values home, yet maybe the executive team or people are not getting on board. So how, where do we go from there? Do you suggest? Thanks second and thanks Connie. And I wonder if I can be a little bit, uh, a little bit controversial in, in responding to, to your very important question. Um, I, I think we do ourselves and what disservice by teaching people to expect non-toxic environments, um, and ex to expect safe environments, emotionally safe environments. Now, as leaders, of course, we have to build environments that are not toxic and that are safe. When we develop leaders, of course we need to train them and teach them how to do that. Of course, we must require of our leaders, of our, uh, our senior leadership and managers throughout an organization to do everything they can to build a healthy culture. That's crucially important. But we need to also understand the fact is that, that we are in a very difficult and conflict ridden world, and it's not always going to be non-toxic and it's not always going to be safe. And what we need to learn is how to navigate toxic environments more than how to simply sit and feel like a victim of toxicity or, or like a victim of, um, uh, of, of some level of, of abuse. Again, please understand me, I'm not condoning for one moment or suggesting that as leaders, we don't do everything within our power to build environments that are safe and beautiful and nourishing for human beings. But at the same time, we as we walk out into the world need to understand that the world isn't always safe. We need to teach our children not that the world is safe or to demand safety or expect safety, but to learn how to navigate an unsafe world. Um, and we need those too. It's a bit of a, a polarity. On the one hand, we are driving for high levels of cultural, um, positivity. And on the other hand, we're preparing ourselves for the inevitable toxicity that you do get when people get together, that you do get when politics becomes an issue. And when power grabbing becomes an issue, there's inevitably toxicity. So this idea of, of of dignity leading to respect into courtesy is one of the ways we can find stability and safety by insulating ourselves from the toxicity rather than fighting the toxicity. Uh, there are times when one does need to fight the toxicity, but never to the, at the expense of insulating ourselves. And the way to insulate yourself from toxicity is to act with dignity. If you are projecting dignity, you will not observe, observe, sorry. You will not absorb toxicity. The toxicity might be swirling around you, but you don't want the toxicity to come into your system. The way to avoid toxicity coming into your system is to be projecting positivity, to be able to project dignity, respect and courtesy outward that protects you and insulates you from some of the very negative forces around you. I love this, this continuous revisiting of staying connected deeply to these values within yourself, right? And, and being rooted in these things at the foundation. And to maybe bring this home as our, probably our last question here, Brendan asks, and this is maybe the next part of that journey where, okay, if if we're in this toxic environment, I'm walking with dignity, what's the next course of action? Maybe we're at a point where people are struggling with finding their own dignity and we want to help them realize that power within 'em and connect with it and help 'em tap into some of these values and their own superpowers of themselves as well as how they treat and connect with other people. So how can we as leaders, maybe walk with them to help them realize their dignity and its impact on everything else? Like what are some of the ways that maybe we can help guide the people to this value set? So, so, uh, Zach and Brandon, this is something I've dedicated my life to, uh, realizing that that values are so powerful, not the my values. That's not what's powerful. It's not the values of of my faith or your faith or of my society. It's your own values and my own values. Each of us have values and we have analyzed the values of tens of thousands of people in different countries around the world. And we have never come across a system of values, a leadership fingerprint that is bad, that is negative, they're always beautiful. And the interesting thing is the person experiencing it has very often, in fact almost always never been exposed to the greatness and beauty of their own life. There is somewhere, I'm a special person and I'm unique and I have a good upbringing and I've got a sense, it's not even about self-confidence, it's not even about about self-awareness. It's not even about that, that sense of, of self assertiveness. It's not that it's a deep admiring of the beauty that is my own soul because our souls are beautiful. We just don't get down there. We are so busy doing, we don't understand who we are at a deep being level. We are human doers, not human beers. And the more we do, the less we be. And it requires work and effort. It's like going to the gym. You've gotta develop the muscles, you've gotta know the method and you've gotta develop the muscle. And that's the work that I and my colleagues in our, in our firm have dedicated our entire lives to doing. To finding ways that we can help people do that in relatively simple ways and relatively quick ways. And without getting into deep therapy, just very relatively quickly to penetrate right down to the essence of my soul, who am I at the soul level? I know who I am at a personality level. I've done all these personality surveys and I know what kind of personality I'm, that's relatively easy and I know some of my basic beliefs and I know the way I've been brought. That's what's really important 'cause that's where my identity is. And to help people do that, as I said, fortunately, as a result of the work that we've done over these years, we now have AI assisted tools that one can do it very easily and very quickly in the privacy of one's own home. One can have a coach help with that if one wants to, but one doesn't even need to anymore. Uh, we've taken years of experience in this area and taught the AI tool how to use that learning in helping anybody anywhere in the world. Lovely, David, thank you. Well, that was an incredible way to close out the program. Can we give one more round of applause for David for really breaking this down? I highly encourage you all to connect with him, follow 'em. I see some additional questions, so if you didn't get your question answered, send it to David over LinkedIn and, and we also shared a link in there for you all to learn a little bit more how to bring inclusive leadership to your organization. So I highly encourage you to check that out. And I mean, I'm, I'm excited to check out this AI tool that you're, you're talking about as well. I mean, that sounds incredible. So, uh, to be able to unlock the access at scale like that for people. So, uh, David, thank you again. This is wonderful. I appreciate you, you sharing this amazing, uh, this amazing talk and your perspective and expertise with our network. Thank you. Thank you z. All right, everyone, appreciate you joining live. I commend you for developing yourself and investing in your own growth and, and ability to make a bigger impact happen to some of these values within your your own being. And I encourage you to start role modeling the way forward and start driving that impact with your company. So thank you again everyone, and we'll see you at the next one.

‍